Figuring it out

Lately, I have been trying to figure out what drives me, what I’m passionate about, what I love and do as easily as breathing. I know I am a creative 1. Because I believe everyone is. Creativity is energy. And anyone and everyone can tap into it. And 2. Because I’ve created before I know I can again. I’ve kinda hit a rut, I guess. Ever since I’ve had my daughter creating seems like a struggle. It gives me anxiety. I procrastinate in doing it. It stresses me out I tell myself I don’t feel inspired and without that feeling whatever I do create won’t be that great. I think too much and then end up not creating at all. But sometimes there’s this fire in me that flickers a little and I know it’s still alive.

So, when I talked to one of my closest friends a couple weeks about what it is I wanna do with my life and what kinda impact I want to have. I started getting serious asking myself well what do I want to create and what do I want it to stand for and what do I want it to do for others and for myself. Cause creating really is a service.

And other than poetry and writing what is it that moves me. And it occurred to me that music moves me in ways that nothing else can. From a young age it’s been my thing. From singing in church choirs to singing in school chorus. Taking piano lessons and quitting it all. Music has always been the thing that moves my emotions and gets me feeling.

I remember being in high school feeling down about my looks not being secure in myself yet. I was so anti. I’d sit in my room after school everyday and listen to my radio. And I’d play Prince or Tupac my eyes closed and daydreaming. I’d fall asleep every night with my radio turned to v103s quit storm to keep the nightmares I’d have at bay (I’ve always had crazy vivid dreams that scared me that I’ve now learned to live with).

I guess what I’m trying to say is I think music is that thing for me I don’t know how or what to do with music. I know I don’t want to be a singer or rapper or performer. I take pride in these playlists I make every month. So, maybe something in that direction maybe making mixes. Maybe djing who knows honestly what I wanna do with my life changes so frequently (guess that’s the Gemini in me) something new always seems so exciting to me. But honestly music has always been with me.

I’m not sure what I mean to say here maybe nothing. But like if you know you’re destined for something and you’re unsure of what that something is this stage is okay too. Try a lot of shit out whatever interests you just try it and see what happens.

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First time in Los Angeles

I went to LA for the first time last Wednesday. Stayed for 3 days. Ate lots of vegan food and went to the museum to see my best friends painting “Family Sized” in the California African American Museum. The museum party was a highlight of the trip and seeing so many black artists succeeding in their craft and celebrating blackness was inspiring to see, feel and be apart of. Seeing my friend flourish and be in her element talking to and engaging with people and other artists was both motivating and

The abundance of options there are for vegans in LA is almost unreal. I could have stayed in Lassens for hours looking at all the different offerings that they have that I cannot find in Atlanta. Being in California almost felt like a different world or country. The vibe was different the people were different (even though I’m not sure if I loved the attitudes from people out there) it was just really different from any other city I’ve visited.

I loved that there are so many thrift stores in LA even if they were a little on the pricey side. Everyone I saw in LA was fashionable but it’s was effortless fashion everyone was stylish and it looked like they weren’t even trying. We went and got tattoos on our 1 full day there. We had drinks we walked around a little – LA is not a very walkable city which made it tough to explore outside of Echo park where we stayed. We went to a club called the association. We ate at Sage, Montys, and a falafel place in Grand Central Market.

Already planning to go back in August for my best friends birthday to see her painting in the museum one more time before the show ends, to eat wayyy more food and to thrift more.

I am really grateful that I was able to go to LA and go with my best friend.

Here are photos from the museum and from thrifting. I made a separate blog post of just photos of food that went up yesterday.

all the art we saw at the CAAM.

Fun things. Los Angeles was so fun.

Update

Hey everyone as you might have seen from the lack of post I’m taking a little hiatus from my blog right now but I’ll be back mid March. I will be posting a March playlist on the 4th but that’ll be my only post for awhile as I’m having a bit of writers block and not really sure what direction I really want to take this blog – so I’m going to use this mini break to figure it all out.

In the mean time check out my recent blog posts and I’ll see everyone soon!

Also in the mean time if you can donate to my friends gofundme page I’ll post the link. She’s an African American artist and at just 27 has gotten a painting in a museum. However, the museum her painting is being shown in is in Los Angeles (and we love in Atlanta) she wants to be able to go see her painting in person and so the gofundme is for that purpose. The museum her work is in is the California African American Museum. The image on this post is the painting that got into the museum. https://www.gofundme.com/help-ariel-get-to-cali-for-her-1st-museum-exhibit?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=fb_dn_cpgnstaticxlarge_r

Mom Talk #5

The Sexual Mother.

I’ve never been prude about sex or about the number of lovers I’ve had anything. I think it’s important for women to experience as much or as little as they want. But sensual energy is very important to my being. Finding what gives your body pleasure and what doesn’t it’s like opening a whole field of the women’s psyche.

As a mother I know society would rather have moms be domestic. Subservient to the father or male counterpart of the relationship. That the mother should be not too loud not too much.

Especially mothers of girls. It’s like now all of a sudden I am no longer an individual person but only a mother and a mother that needs to act a certain way about sex and sensuality so that my daughter doesn’t pick up on bad habits. That I need to dress a certain way to be respected and taken seriously.

But why does sex have to be a bad habit? My daughters 3 and I’m not at yet in the area of needing to explain matters to her about sex or educate her. However, I’ve thought of her being a teenager and I know already I’m not at all going to be restrictive. I’m not going to act like sex isn’t a thing. I’m not going to tell her she can’t have sex until marriage. It’s not my decision to make about her body. Just like it’s not anyone’s decision to tell a women after giving birth how she should behave.

There are plenty of women who are mothers breaking stereotypes saying they can be still be sexual beings. Amber Rose being the one that mainly comes to mind with her annual Slut Walk campaign. But if I got a dollar for each time I get into an argument with a man about how her walk is enlightening and they instead think she’s just allowing women to be “hoes” without shame or guilt I’d be a millionaire.

The double standard between men and women and acts of sex is so profound it’s a subject I never think will ever be completely healed. Patriarchy killed the sexual woman. It put her into a little nest box that said virginity is the utmost respectful thing you can give a man – that virginity is a gift. That having a low body count means you respect yourself that you respect your body.

I was raised in a Christian household but from an early age I knew that these certain expectations weren’t for me. Why can’t my body be both a temple and mine to make decisions for? Where did the discord happen that women shouldn’t have autonomy over their own bodies?

Is sex really so bad? Or does the notion of a woman being confident in her body and wanting pleasure that offends people into thinking a mother cannot be but one thing.

What are your thoughts?

Children’s Books Black History Month Edition

Here’s a short list and description of some children’s books to read to your kids during black history month.

1. Little Leaders Bold Women in Black History by Vashti Harrison. It’s a book for kids a little older but Sage who is 3 likes looking at the illustrations and I just read her the woman’s name and occupation.

2. Hey Black Child by Useni Eugene Perkins. Such a motivational book for any black child.

3. Dancing in the Wings by Debbie Allen. A dream book for a little girl obsessed with ballets and dancing and dresses. Not to mention so much history in Debbie Allen’s accomplishments.

4. Ada Twist, Scientist by Andrea Beaty. Cutest illustrations with a big meaning and a funny story. Girls can be scientist. Little black girls can be scientists.

5. Lola at the Library by Anna McQuinn. A book to get your child excited about reading books.

6. A Night Out with Mama by Quvenzhane Wallis. This book would have been published by the author when she was 13 if that’s not a big enough feat to read this book to your children I don’t know what is.

In retrospect I also realized all these books are about AA women (I guess cause I have a daughter) but these are just some books we already had that showed African American representation. What books would you recommend for younger kids to start learning about African American History? Leave some comments for me on what you’re reading to your children this month.

Photos from Hey Black Child.

Photos from Ada Twist, Scientist.

Sage’s 3rd Birthday Recap

Sage turned 3 last Friday. And I took her to children’s museum in Atlanta. Sage had fallen asleep in the car on the way there so when we first got to the museum she was a little overwhelmed so we went to the water fishing area first because there were less people in that section of the museum she had fun. Kept saying she was catching fish with her daddy. The other exhibits or sections of the museum is the kitchen a building/ball area, a jungle gym, painting station, Daniel the tiger section with houses and mail and stuff and a sand section.

There are also classes you can sign your kid up for but they go fast. We got to the museum later than I wanted to and the spots for the classes were already filled.

Sage wore a dress because that’s usually all she wants to wear anyway and even if we live in Georgia it’s still winter time. And she wanted to wear a crown so yes I was that extra parent for the day. She had a lot of fun there was a reading time of Daniel the tiger at like 2:30 but she didn’t want to sit for it.

The kitchen area is defiantly a Waffle House replica even if it doesn’t say so anywhere. That’s where most of the kids were and there was food everywhere I’m pretty sure it was Sage’s favorite section too. She kept making plates of food for her dad and myself and naming all the food or asking us what something was.

We stayed at the museum until close then went and got food. Sage picked this hot pink icing for cupcakes (which I forgot to get a photo of) she doesn’t really like cake and just ate the icing off a few.

My parents flew in to celebrate Sage’s birthday with her on Saturday and we went to yard house, a candy store downtown and to chuckie cheese. Next year for Sage’s birthday I hope she’ll have some friends from being in school (fingers crossed she starts this August) and I can actually throw her a birthday party.

Here’s some cute photos from her birthday and Saturday when we went to chuckie cheese.

Crystal of the Month

I’ve gone through some deep emotional trauma the last few weeks and have been feeling out of wack mentally and emotionally. A lot of unhealed issues dealing with worthiness and men resurfacing. Because of this I’ve been sleeping with rose quartz every night trying to give myself and extra dose of self love and warm feelings. But I have also been sleeping with chrysocolla. Chrysocolla is a blue-green crystal that looks spotted like a robins egg. It has calming nurturing energy. Enhances physic ability and intuition. Alleviates feelings of anxiety (which I need). Is divine feminine energy.

Chrysocolla is blue so it is calming in nature and it gives you a sense of self assurance that I really need right now. Compassion, gentleness and authentic expression are also qualities chrysocolla will bring out of you. Chrysocolla will help you with saying or not saying something you’ll regret.

In terms of health chrysocolla helps with physical aliments and swelling. As a feminine crystal it will also help with hormonal balance. It also has the ability to heal ovarian cysts. Chrysocolla will keep your temper in check with it’s calming properties. Wear or work with one daily for even temperance. Chrysocolla as a blue crystal has a relationship with the throat chakra and will help aid in compassionate speech when worked with.

Wearing or meditating with chrysocolla will also help with the psychic ability clairaudience which is the ability to hear spirits, energy and guidance. This deals with the throat chakra. It will also help in developing or deepening clarirsentience which is the ability to feel or sense the presence of spirits, energy, emotions or guidance in the solar plexus chakra.

Throat chakra. Self-love. Chrysocolla is a lot of compassion for self wrapped up in this blue crystal. A stone of communication. Empowerment and teaching. Helps with anxiety and depression.

I mediated with chrysocolla Tuesday night as I couldn’t sleep and had really deep sleep I woke up feeling like I had been asleep for years. And all the emotional trauma I had been experiencing has been softened which was much needed. Chrysocolla was a crystal I bought a couple years ago wanting to get more in touch with my divine feminine and it has helped me in many other ways. If you’re into crystals or want to be chrysocolla is a crystal that is needed in your collection.